You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
