If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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