You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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