Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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