I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
