If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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