I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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