the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
