I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
