when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
