THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
