I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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