Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
