I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
