so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
