Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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