ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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