Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
