I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
