I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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