careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
