He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
