Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
