too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
