i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
