How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
