my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
