Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
