if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
