Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
