Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
