Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
