Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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