Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
