I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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