Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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