Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
