I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
