I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
