i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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