Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
