I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish I only lived at night.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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