i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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