so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
