that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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