the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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