I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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