i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
