Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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