I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
