Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
