everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
