The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
