She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
