you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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